how's your morning
i measure the morning by the
coffee left in the brown mug
i wait for her phone calls
i arrange the ones and zeros
i check my blood pressure again
one-twenty-three over seventy-four
heart rate fifty-six...not bad
she doesn't call very much anymore
we are both busy at work
we are settled into our routines
maybe i ought to call her
i wouldn't know what to say
just "hello" and "i miss you"
i guess that's all i've got
half a mug of coffee left
the street sweeper just came by
maybe it'll help with the drainage
wonder if she thinks of me
in the beginning we could spend hours on the phone or in chats going on and on about everything and sometimes we'd argue but we'd also laugh and we were so in love it just seemed like we couldn't stand not being in contact for even a few minutes and the long distance bills were insane in fact it probably almost paid the rent just the savings on the phone bills once she moved down here
the coffee is cold and bitter
i arrange the ones and zeros
abstract and mathematical representations of things
wonder if anybody even notices them
google probably and also san francisco
at least i think they notice
i feel very abstract myself sometimes and i don't know whether that's something to worry about or not since it's certainly not unique in the world at least from what i can tell from my friends on twitter and it's not even particularly unique to me though it seems to be more common now than it was in the past or maybe i'm just able to articulate it a little better now or i think i am
i think i am going crazy
at least sometimes i think so
sometimes i just think i'm spoiled
i expect too much from life
weird tapping sound outside the window
dripping of some sort or another
it just got quieter and faster
i'm not really isolated or whatever
i have my ones and zeros
google's algorithms stand at the ready
they wait for my next transmission
google this is me
google we have a problem
google she used to call me
cold bitter coffee ones and zeros
one-twenty-three over seventy-four
not bad
------------
a noggin of guinness
i gave the mug to him for christmas one year
when he still drank
he gave it back to me
along with a nice wooden brewery case
after he started bible college
and i had fallen away
ours was a religion that
rejected the spirits
in an america
where pleasure was a vice
big
loud
bright
self-loathing...
down the hatch
------------
4th sunday
banners in the rafters
o wisdom
o king of nations
o key of david
o root of jesse
o adonai
oh, good lord...
oh communion of comb overs
oh bastion of bad knees
forever we will sing
oh shrill of melody
oh lack of harmony
the everlys were not catholic
candles, candles everywhere
and we all leave our coats on
halo. statue?
jesus christ
on the cross
------------
here's what happened
frankly
it's none of your god-damned business
and it was a long time ago
but if you must know
i could no longer endure
the sight of her
nor the sound of one more lazy
ignorant
word
i cried for help
and she slept right through it
when it was time to wake up
------------
don't walk
walk
he stands
blue
against a gray sky
memory
it's loose gravel underfoot
you
remember one thing
you remember
another
and then the thing you wanted to forget
the bitter wind
chafes his cheeks
collar raised and
face set
he steps toward the abyss
------------
prayer of rebellion
forbidden beauty
frightening
prodigal
born of abandon confusion neglect longing
lord
may the prayer of these hands
unspoken
unknown
keep him safe
------------
waiting at st. john's
the diovan takes hold and the palpitations come
i am dizzy
frightened and i
need to pee
but i dare not leave
the family
surgery
waiting room
a man i've not even met
is cutting her
this waiting is always
the worst part
at least it has been all of the other times
i hope it's the worst part
today
------------
optimization
i pretend to be a writer
pretending to be
a guy
using a coupon
to get a great deal
on shoes
on a site
pretending to be
a blog
the site is pretending
for google
who am i?
pretending for
------------
larry hart
you were as witty
and urbane
as cole porter
and ten times as cynical
i was reading
schopenhauer
last night
zip
i'm a heterosexual
i wish i could have found you
wandering the streets
of the city
drunk
soaked
bewitched, bothered and bewildered
before the pneumonia took hold
and your book ended
------------
contingency
he said
"i'm not litigious"
and kept a straight face
and so i felt a little bad
choking back a chortle
"when people are injured
they deserve compensation"
simple as that
fairness
justice
and a one-third contingency
------------
Copyright 2009 Brian K. Noe